Closing the account on an emotional investment

Have you ever been so damn disappointed in someone in your life with the choices they have made for themselves?   You don’t have any tie to this person except for being their friend but for some reason you, being the outsider just can’t help but get frustrated anyway.   I’m in that position.   Not going to name any names but once I considered this person a very close friend.   Overall I like to think I’m a friendly person (although some people have said I make ‘expressions’ with my face where I look like I’m angry? Not intended… )  but very few people have I opened up to and let in.  I have a lot of emotional baggage and have learned that it takes a very special person that will be there for you through good AND bad, who will listen when you need to vent rather than just have you there so they can vent.   I’ve become associated with  too many brick walls over the years to want to let just anybody know who I really am deep inside.   Isn’t that what a  friendship is?

Well,  this person and I have been friends for a few years now.  We lived closer for a while then had to move our separate ways due to work.   We stayed in touch as much as we could and made plans to see one another the next possible chance we had.    The next time we did get together though,  they had changed.   Their attitude was nothing even close to what I remembered,  like I didn’t even know them anymore.  The first thing that they said which raised a red flag was they were talking about another friend they had back where they were currently living.  A comment was made “I tell them they are my best friend but really YOU are!”    Then, off and on throughout the visit we heard complaints and insults about that ‘best friend’ back home.  Pretty venomous stuff.     My husband and I planned a vacation with them and we went for my birthday.    That trip turned out to be the major turning point in our relationship  (me and the person, not me and my husband)    I felt almost like we were embarrassing them on that trip.  They would  go off a lot on their own (or so we thought) and I took that as we were boring or bothering them.   By the time the trip was over I was looking forward to everything getting back to normal.   Just being around that person was awkward and uncomfortable all the way up until they finally left to go back home.  For one thing,  I kept thinking back to the awful things they were saying about the person who thought they were so close.  Who is to say that exact thing wasn’t being done to me and my husband?  I bet it is.   Finally, once we got back they confided in my husband the real reason why they kept disappearing during our vacation.   It seems that the people we had seen them with the night we ditched them after we heard them call out to us,  turned out they had a stash of weed,  so instead of being honest I guess it was worth making the extra effort to lie to us about it.   Did they think I would judge them? embarrass them?  I’m thinking the latter.   I do admit that towards the end of the trip my husband and I did see them a few times hanging out with some people who I can only assume were ‘those’ people.  One night we e heard our names being called out but we pretended not to hear them.  It had gotten to the point where we felt if we were ruining their trip, embarrassing them and making them look bad,  then why subject said person to further humiliation around these new friends? Don’t get me wrong, the vacation wasn’t ruined at all despite all of this needless drama.   My hubby and I had a wonderful time on our own and made some amazing memories.  The night before our trip was officially ending,  I had my birthday dinner.   My husband and I got dressed up and had a wonderful time.  We were seated next to a mother and daughter who were a lot of fun, AND the staff of the restaurant already knew it was my birthday so they sang and I got a mini dessert with a candle to blow out.  Of course my ‘friend’ was nowhere to be seen but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  After all,  in the end I married my TRUE best friend and that’s the best birthday present I can ever ask for.   Ever since then I haven’t gone out of my way to communicate with them.    They are miles away and even though before I would have said I wished they were closer that is NOT the case any longer.  The further the better.   It really hurts being lied to,  and it hurts even more since it was on my frigging birthday.   The fact they toss around the title ‘best friend’ to just anyone  (for what purpose? ) really cheapened how I once felt for this person.  It really gives you a used and empty feeling when that’s done to you.   For the record, I wouldn’t have cared if they smoked pot from beginning to end of our vacation.   It’s a shame I was looked upon so lowly to be lied to.    Whoever picks a temporary high over friendship isn’t worth my time or effort.   It’s just such a disappointment it had to end like that.

I hope writing this doesn’t make me sound like a snob because that isn’t intended.   It’s just a subject that’s been weighing on my mind for a while.   This is my form of closure I guess, and writing about it helps.

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So there 🙂

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One of the many reasons why I love my husband

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Animals are extremely meticulous judges of character.    When I was with my ex,  the two cats we owned together interacted with him over half of the time out of fear.   Chris lost his temper a lot and while he never physically hit me,  he would hit items such as walls and thermostat covers.   Once he punched one of our cats for jumping up into the back panel of his piece of crap car.   The panel was so old and worn out that Jolly fell through into the trunk and Chris hit him.   Piece of crap.   If you do that to an animal then you aren’t worth the air you breathe in my opinion.    When I met Mike,  I was a little apprehensive over how he would bond with my cats.   He had never had cats before and would tease me online about how cats were stuck up.  It made me worry that he would never see my two furbabies as the family members to me that they were.    Well,  he surprised me in the best way possible.   Jolly and Wazi both gave me their kitty stamps of approval and since then the new flufflings we have brought into our household all look to him as daddy.  It melts my heart to see an animal bond with someone so closely.   Sometimes he will make a comment that ‘oh finally Daisy is showing me some attention’.    Pttth.. look at these pictures and tell me that there is any doubt that the sun rises and sets in daddy to our furbabies. 🙂     This is why he’s the man for me,  my soulmate and the one true love of my life.

 

 

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My sister

It was recently my sister’s birthday and also is coming up on another year since she has been gone come May and I still can’t believe that she’s gone.  Even today I still get a strong urge to pick up the phone and talk to her.  Talk to her about my day, about her day, about the many tv shows that we would watch together over the phone.     The day she left I lost more than just my sister,  I lost my very very best friend.    We shared a bond that only sisters could share…  she got me and I got her.   Grr,  see even now I go from missing her so much to bring furious that she is gone.   I’m still trying to figure out God’s purpose in taking her so soon.. especially when we had begun to lean on one another so much.

After I got word that she was gone,  I flew home to be with her oldest son and family.  It was him that had actually found her on the floor in her apartment that day and he had the whole responsibility of taking care of his mom’s property, remains and plan her memorial service.    She has two sons but her youngest…. that’s another story for another time.   So I went  there to help clean out her apartment.   I had never been there before.   I mean, we had talked about me coming to visit but I never did.   I regret that because I know we would have had some really fun sister time.   I had always dreamed of spending time with her the way we had always talked about on the phone.   She would always say she wished that Mike and I would move closer because she needed me  to help keep her in line.   She would say that I was the Roseanne and she was the Jackie.   She would emotionally go off the deep end over something and I would help bring her back to reality in a sisterly bedside manner that only the character of Roseanne

would do 🙂

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That was our relationship in a nutshell,  but it always wasn’t that way.   Someday I’ll explain.

In her bedroom on the dresser sat something that my sister’s best friend told me was meant for me for Christmas.  She was with her when she bought it months before.   As soon as I saw it,  I couldn’t pick it up and clutch it to my heart fast enough.  It summed up our relationship perfectly and even though her and I never got to actually say goodbye or have any final words to one another… this is just as good if not better.     It’s forever a sign on how much I meant to her being her sister and her friend and I will treasure it always.     I just need to find a picture of the two of us worthy to go into the frame.

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It was sitting on her dresser untouched as if I were meant to find it.   Did she know she was going to pass away?  Her son said that there were some documents sitting on her table that would not otherwise have been there.   Medical papers.   I have always wondered if people silently do know when their time will come,  maybe not consciously but maybe something deep in the subconscious mind.   So things are prepared without one actually knowing it.    Whether or not it was done intentionally,  it helped console me and let me know that she was always thinking of us even though I was so far away.  It was her final message to me in the form of something I can look upon every day with a smile.
I love you sissy,  and I miss you every day.

In a perfect world…

I answer many calls a day at my job.   I schedule appointments,  give information pertaining to PCSing pets overseas and answer questions and give advice within my means.   I’ve gotten quite comfortable on the phone when helping people.  If someone calls with a concern about their dog’s smelly ears, for example they will call to see if they should bring the dog in to be looked at by the doctor.   I usually reply with “If it concerns you,  then it is justifiable bringing him/her in to be looked at.  If anything for peace of mind”.    If they do bring them in and have them looked at, even if it wasn’t a dire emergency like they had originally thought… well they got their peace of mind.   Upon check out I will tell the owner “I am happy we were able to see (pet’s name) today”    99 percent of the owners will agree with me and thank me for my concern.   The other option is one I loathe… when nobody will agree to see their pet and they have to resort to consulting Dr “Google”.   They mean well and are genuinely trying to help their pet but it has a way of backfiring at times.   For instance…   A lady who thinks her dog has ear mites because he’s scratching his ears.   She googles it and goes to Walmart to pick up ear med medication.   Turns out it’s a yeast infection and that ear mite medication just made it 100% worse.   Not only does the owner feel like shit for unknowingly doing this to their pet,  but treatment can be more expensive depending on how bad the infection becomes (not to mention agony for the dog)  I get all kinds of calls which I’ve grown comfortable in fielding… but today I got a different call and it’s still affecting me now hours later.

I answer the phone  in my usual “Thank you for calling ****************  this is Stacey,  how may I help you?”   and a man’s deep gruff voice is on the other end.  “Yes, Hello ma’am.  I have a few strange questions I was hoping you could help me with”

“Ok”  I respond.   Quietly wondering if these questions will indeed be strange.   I’ve been asked questions about what to do with an orphan mouse and whether or not to keep an armadillo as a pet and if it would wear a collar.  (no, really… true story!)

The man takes a deep breath and begins his story “Well,  first question is do you do service dog training there?”

“No sir,  I’m sorry but we don’t.  I know of dog trainers in the area but I am not quite sure what qualifications one would need in order to train a dog as a service dog”

* silence for a few seconds*   then he continued “Ok, well here is my next question.  I see you have an animal shelter on post.    Do you by chance have any puppies that will grow up to be a BIG dog?   You see ma’am,  I am a 100% disabled veteran.   I have bad knees and a curved spine and I fall a lot.   I was hoping to find a dog that is young enough to train to help me when I fall, you know… help me get up and assist me in getting around my house.   I am a big guy so I would love a companion like that to help me.”

My heart melted…   This poor man was looking for a friend to take care of him and help him perform regular daily functions.  Why not a dog?    I mean, dogs are trained to help disabled veterans all the time.   In fact, right here on post  there is a Golden Retriever that accompanies his owner to work every day that can tell if his blood sugar is getting too low.  They are so in tune with one another you’d think they could telepathically communicate.   I think companion animals that act as service dogs are a wonderful idea and if trained properly a total godsend to who the dog is assigned.   Sadly though we didn’t many dogs in our facility at the moment so i suggested petfinder.com or looking for a breed rescue.   He told me that he’d love an Irish Wolfhound or maybe a Rottweiler type dog since they are so muscular and could probably help him get up off the floor when he fell    “It really hurts when I fall since i usually land on my knees (ouch)”   I gave him every contact I could think of  and gave him some key questions to ask the people at the rescues if he made contact.   He asked again about any dog trainer contacts and I gave him those too.   “The VA won’t give me any assistance in training my dog so I’ve been doing a lot of research.  I have read that a perfect age to start training is about 4-6 months of age”

I told the man I sincerely hoped he was successful in achieving his goal in finding his new best friend and getting it trained into an amazing service dog for him.  I can’t imagine living with the disabilities he described.   He deserves this.    I pray that he finds everything he needs very soon.

and I hope he calls back someday so I can hear all about his dog.