What’s up? What’s sideways?

First attempt at a real blog and I don’t even know where to start…   there’s a lot and nothing going on all at the same time.   Yeah,  my world is completely disorganized.   I should just write every topic on a small bit of paper and put it in a hat to draw one each time I open this site up.

 

that’s actually not a bad idea….

 

The older I’ve gotten the more I appreciate my ‘quiet’ days.   Those are days where I have the house, my thoughts and my activities completely to myself.    I’ll plan a day like that if it’s in the near future and will actually get excited for it as it approaches closer.   On days like that I’m off from work,  can sleep in if I like.. but I tend not to since I like to get an early start of doing whatever I want even if it’s laying in bed watching reruns of Ghost Whisperer.  I’ll make scrambled eggs for me and for the doxies.   Family breakfast!   Then I’ll do housework and have dinner ready at the end of the day for someone when they get home from work.    It doesn’t sound very fancy but I love days like that.   Time to myself,  bed to myself,  house to myself,  anything and everything to myself.

 

Today did not go as planned and was a total disappointment.      I did nothing that I had vaguely planned for and ended up sleeping all day.   Why?  Because someone decided to ‘take a day off’ too.    Now, years ago I used to welcome days like that.  A day off with him was nice.   But lately It’s gotten out of hand.   I don’t see it as a day of leisure and to spend it with me rather than him just being lazy and copying what I am doing and I hate it so much.   He will call in to work because he was on his computer all night,  because he stayed up all night gaming,  because he watched tv all night.   Stuff that 15 year olds tell their parents why they can’t go to school the next day.. not an adult who has an important job.    As soon as I heard him mutter “I think I’m going to just take a day of leave…”    I wanted to throw my clothes on and just go into work even though it was my day off.   Because I knew how the day would play out.   Instead I just rolled over and went back to sleep.   I mean why fight it?   I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut about my days off so this doesn’t happen so often.   Depression is a cold hearted bitch and I am fighting a hard battle with it on my own which I’m sure I’ll get into at some point,  believe me.. having me upright in a chair right now typing on my computer is a huge step with how I’ve been lately!   When he’s home I have zero ambition to do anything on my own around the house.  It’s like the motivation is totally sucked out of me and I turn into a total potato.   Weekends are like that now.   Sleep the days away (but I don’t eat either so that’s a good healthy fast!)  because we never go out and do anything.     (I used to book tours through the local military mwr but I’m tired of that)     Basically I’m just going through the motions until I can wiggle my toes back on US soil once again.   Counting the days..

I hope my entries will be less rambling over time.  I used to be such a good blogger.

 

So yeah, that was my day today.. how was yours?   😦

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Jumble brain

My God. Where has the time gone? I think the last time I looked at this blog was at least a few years ago.  I had good intentions on writing but couldn’t concentrate.  Lots happened.  Life happened.  Good and bad happened.   Now.. here I am again with intentions on writing.  Will I do it this time?

i hope so.  But not just for the ‘I have a lot to share to the world’ reasons.  It’s a bit more complicated than that.  My reason is that I feel this would be good therapy. I’m living back overseas….this time on the other side of the world and I’m depressed.  I’m hoping that getting all of this muck in my brain out it could help me learn to enjoy…life again.

 

Fingers crossed.  The challenge starts once again.