The other Stacey’s mom

In my elementary school class we had two Staceys, myself and another girl.    We were friendly with one another for the most part but I wouldn’t say we were ‘friends’.     She was more social than I was (back then the lunch lady was more social than I was!) and I would just assume melt into the wallpaper most days at school rather than    be a part of a gaggle of girls.   That’s why I have so many observation stories to share,  I wasn’t like a ‘normal’ kid.  But anyways..

If I remember correctly the other Stacey’s mother worked in some position at our school so she was able to keep a close eye on her daughter.  In social terms that made her more popular.  Her parents had a big house, drove a nice car and she always had pretty clothes.  Every year for her birthday her mother would bring trays of cupcakes to her class for all of the kids.  She was liked by everyone and everyone wanted to be her best friend.   A few of my classmates had mothers that were teachers or worked in the church part of the school while mine was a glorified stay at home mom. (nothing at ALL to be ashamed of because my mom rocked her job!)  but in ‘popular kid’ terms that wasn’t enough to join the cook kid cliques.   Cliques in my class were easily divided by popularity and that means the only clique I was in was my own.  Well, me and one other person, my best friend Tammy.  At school her and I did everything together, and when she wasn’t at school I would sit by myself somewhere at recess and patiently wait for the day to be over.   My teachers told my mother about it all the time and said I needed to be more social with the other kids.  So my mom signed us up with some carpool to school program that the other mothers were doing. Every day a different mom would drive us all to and from school. ( It just so happened that the kids that were in my carpool was a few of the girls who weren’t very fond of me.)  When the carpool idea didn’t work,  the teachers in my class started putting me and the other Stacey together in the same study group hoping that we would become bffs based on the fact that we shared the same name.  Then, one day her mother showed up to our classroom and passed out party invitations to everyone in the class,  myself included.   Stacey was having a birthday party.

My mom was more excited about the party than I was.  She went out one day while I was at school and bought a birthday gift for me to take to the party and then picked out my outfit I was going to wear.   Thankfully Tammy was invited too and I knew I could rely on her to help me blend into the surroundings.  My mom, however urged me to try to make new friends.  All I could tell her was “I’ll try”.

I remember walking inside Stacey’s house and thinking to myself “WOW”.   Every inch of her house was decorated up for this party right down to colored balloons, streamers and her name on banners pretty much in every room.   Stacey was all dressed up with yellow ribbons in her hair  and very politely thanking everyone for coming all the while as her mother was ushering kids into the back yard for festivities.  There were games, food,  and all of the kids were getting along well for the most part, and I remember I even came out of my shell for a bit that afternoon since the kids that were normally mean towards me seemed to accept me and we all ran around acting like little girls (as much as we could run around in our party dresses, that is!)

Just before the party was over,  Stacey’s mother told us all to get in a line and lead us over to a patio table where a big book sat.

“Now, I want everyone to sign this for Stacey!”  she said “Write something nice about her and how much you appreciate this party”   I looked over at Stacey and she was burying her face in her hands.  I think she wanted to fade away into her surroundings like I usually did.  The book turned out to be a memory book of some sort.  A glorified baby book and beyond, so to speak.  Every single social event in her life so far had been documented in this book and her mom carefully made sure that her daughter had a memento that she would look back on in years to come and remember how much fun her childhood was.
By the time I got to the table she handed me a pen and I started to write “Thank you for inviting me to your party,  love Stacey”   Her mom looked at what I was writing and snatched the pen out of my hand and tossed it onto the table.   “What? No!…  write something else … something you like about her! You can do much better than that!”.  Normally her mother was so sweet and soft spoken,  but not now!     I looked at all of the other signatures before me and there were things like “I like your dimples”  “you have a nice back yard”   “your cake was pink, my fav color”    Finally I picked the pen back up  wrote “I like that we have the same name”  and handed the pen back to her.   She took it, looked back down at what I wrote and dismissed me with a wave.   I guess my entry was sufficient.  I then went back into the yard and joined the other kids who were all now looking for Stacey.  She was nowhere to be found though, and I think she stayed scarce until the party ended and our parents all arrived to pick us up.  After that her mother came out and passed out party bags for everyone that had toys and other things inside them.  “Stacey picked each of these out just for you!”   That appeased us kids for the most part and everyone seemed to forget the weird book incident.

After that I saw Stacey,  and the other popular kids in a different light.    Everybody had some form of weirdness they had to deal with in their lives.. whether you were popular or not popular.   Her mom wanted to preserve her daughter’s social life in a book,  whether she liked it or not.    I have no doubt she meant well… but she should have gotten more of her daughter’s input first.

 

I wonder if she still has it to this day..?

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Identity crisis

The following is a vent and nothing more.  I’m not planning anything drastic or stupid so there is no need to worry.   I just feel that if I keep all of these emotions bottled up for much longer it’s weighing on my health as well as my soul.  Maybe if it’s all out I’ll be able to deal with it easier.  At least I hope so.

Lately I’ve been having more issues staying motivated and finding things that keep my interest for any length of time.  When I’m not at work, I feel like I am not accomplishing anything worth while and would much rather be sleeping .   When I sleep I have a good chance of dreaming and my dreams have felt better to live in than reality.  I forget things very easily now and I know I frustrate those close to me when I am scatterbrained and seem more ‘helpless’ because I can’t accomplish a simple task.   I don’t know if this is typical of a midlife crisis, hormonal, an ‘uber’ form of depression or what because I don’t have anybody who would understand to ask… but things just don’t feel right.  I don’t feel like the person I once was,   and not knowing if this is just a temporary phase in my life is really scaring me. I keep hoping one day I’ll wake up and everything will be back to normal,  but the longer this goes on it feels like that will never happen.  It’s a very dark and lonely way to feel… and I don’t know how or why this happened.

I am happily married,  don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think I could imagine my life with anyone else in it,  but even he has changed towards me. He has a very stressful job and over time has allowed it to consume his life,  both work and home.  I’ve always supported him in his career paths and for the most part I don’t feel that I fit the stereotypical “nagging wife” definition.

I met him on the internet back before dating on the internet was a huge thing.   I wasn’t looking for anybody but God knew I needed someone so there he was.  Our first weekend meeting face to face was carefree and so, so amazing.   We had a chance to get to know one another online before meeting face to face so that helped our meeting be less awkward overall.   We spent a wonderful weekend in Lake Tahoe and without even needing to say it decided that we would spend the rest of our lives together.  Now, all of the things that he said he loved about me back then seem to irritate him now.  For instance, he said he used to love how spontaneous I was.   We once made a pact to never fall into a routine.  Why?  Because routines are boring!    We said no matter what curveballs were thrown at us in life, that we would do whatever we wanted because at heart we would always be young, even if one of us was in a wheelchair.    “You keep me young”  he once said, and I had a talent of making him laugh (I love to hear him laugh)   A few months ago we were both wide awake on a Saturday night and I leaned into him and said “Let’s go to Denny’s!”   When we lived overseas we would often make comments on how we missed good old American 24 hour diners so I figured my mentioning it may not end up with us going to Denny’s but may get a chuckle from him and remove his nose from his computer screen long enough for a short conversation.   Instead, I got an annoyed sigh and the reply “NO, ARE YOU KIDDING?  it’s TWO THIRTY IN THE MORNING!”.  After that I just turned over and made myself fall asleep.   That was the last time I ever suggested anything spontaneous.

I hope I am able to sort things out where I can be happier eventually.  We have a vacation coming up and I’m hoping without the distractions of the internet and other electronics that maybe we can learn to fall in love with one another again.  Start over again in a lot of ways..?     I miss who I was a few years ago,  back when I didn’t feel like I was always saying or doing the wrong thing and when the thoughts inside my head would come out of my mouth a lot easier. Back when I made people around me happy rather than frustrated  and when I wanted to be awake rather than laying in bed on the weekends hoping to sleep straight through to Monday when I finally get to go back to work where I feel important and needed

 

I lost my parents way too early in life.. and right now I would give anything to be able to have them here now to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

 

😦

 

 

 

 

My review of Rachael Ray’s “Nutrish Dish” brand dog food

So many pet foods out there.. ! aisles and aisles of them, all claiming to be the very best, highest quality or made with the freshest ingredients blessed by mother nature herself, etc etc. I remember when I was a little girl we fed our dog Purina Puppy chow as a puppy (the kibbles with the powdered stuff on it that turned into a creamy substance when water was added)  and then Purina Dog chow as an adult/senior.  There were no breed specifics, special needs, ‘hormone free, additive free, all natural, free range, soy free/wheat free/ choices out there.   A few years later  while watching Price is right one day I saw a commercial for ‘cycle’ brand dog foods. Cycle one, cycle two, cycle three. It was pretty much laid out in front of you. Feed your dog this.. and it will eat.

 

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Everything was so simple back then…

but then came greedy corporations that thought making pet food (AND human food for that matter, but that’s another rant!) was too expensive for their bottom line so they cheapened it, started adding fillers, fake colors, fake flavors and crap that has now become what we call our food today. Working in the veterinary field as long as I have, I have witnessed hundreds of cases of doggy diets done wrong. Your average consumer will judge a pet food by how it is displayed on the container. “Fresh garden greens, carrots, peas, potatoes and chicken” Wow! perfect! it all sounds fine and good until you come home from work that night to find “Fido” has vomited on your carpet and those ‘fresh garden carrots’ have left a bright orange stain that is very unbecoming of a fresh carrot. What I’ve noticed is usually it’s the prettiest bags that hold the biggest lies when it comes to picking out a pet food. One brand which will remain nameless looks amazing on display, but it’s all for show.  The majority of allergy cases we have seen have been related to feeding that brand of pet food.   Dogs will start having recurring ear infections and skin issues, wake their owners up in the middle of the night licking and chewing on their feet and butts.   Anal gland issues, you name it!  That’s what you get when you eat stuff that doesn’t belong inside your belly… your body starts to revolt!   It’s not the pet owner’s fault at all,  it’s false look of the food and the bells and whistles in its advertising that makes them think they are making an amazing choice for their furbaby.

 

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Influenster once again offered to send me a product to test, and this time it was for my dogs.    A new food that was debuting to the public in March.  Rachael Ray’s Nutrish/Dish with Chicken and Vegetables.

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My dogs were thrilled at the opportunity to eat!  No, really!   Usually when I feed them I have to put their bowls at opposite ends of the room.  Otherwise Rebel will gobble up a mouthful of his food then run over to Daisy’s bowl and do the same.. running back and forth until both bowls worth of food are packed tightly in his mouth like a hamster.  He will then attempt to chew and swallow what is in his mouth like a doggy version of ‘chubby bunny’ that often ends up with him coughing out whole pieces of kibble and me chasing him around trying to make sure he doesn’t choke himself to death.    I did an ‘unboxing’ video for Influenster and it turned into a double feature of unboxing and taste test.  Mainly because once I opened the bag the dogs were REALLY interested in what I had.   The first thing I noticed in the bag was dried veggies.   Carrot slices, shriveled up dried peas and little dice shaped dried potato bits.  Then there were chicken bits with kibble.   I divvied out a bit of each piece and let my dogs check it out.   Both were enthralled in eating the food.   Not gobbling up and swallowing as fast as possible but rather enjoying each bite.  Their noses remained in their bowls (THEIR bowls,  Rebel wasn’t doing his usual running back and forth routine) until almost each bite was gone.    The only thing they had trouble with was the rather large carrot slices.  I tried to break them into smaller bits but resorted to just soaking them in a tiny bit of water to soften them.. then they were free game to devour! Overall I really like this food for my pups.  They really took to it and it is very apparent that Rachael Ray formulated this food with the pet’s health in mind.   It’s not just a ‘pretty’ food but rather a REAL food.    Am I going to switch my dogs over to this when it officially hits the shelves?   You bet!

 

Another reason now why I loves me some Rachael Ray.. 😉

 

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Thank you Influenster and Thank you Rachael Ray!  ❤