Closing the account on an emotional investment

Have you ever been so damn disappointed in someone in your life with the choices they have made for themselves?   You don’t have any tie to this person except for being their friend but for some reason you, being the outsider just can’t help but get frustrated anyway.   I’m in that position.   Not going to name any names but once I considered this person a very close friend.   Overall I like to think I’m a friendly person (although some people have said I make ‘expressions’ with my face where I look like I’m angry? Not intended… )  but very few people have I opened up to and let in.  I have a lot of emotional baggage and have learned that it takes a very special person that will be there for you through good AND bad, who will listen when you need to vent rather than just have you there so they can vent.   I’ve become associated with  too many brick walls over the years to want to let just anybody know who I really am deep inside.   Isn’t that what a  friendship is?

Well,  this person and I have been friends for a few years now.  We lived closer for a while then had to move our separate ways due to work.   We stayed in touch as much as we could and made plans to see one another the next possible chance we had.    The next time we did get together though,  they had changed.   Their attitude was nothing even close to what I remembered,  like I didn’t even know them anymore.  The first thing that they said which raised a red flag was they were talking about another friend they had back where they were currently living.  A comment was made “I tell them they are my best friend but really YOU are!”    Then, off and on throughout the visit we heard complaints and insults about that ‘best friend’ back home.  Pretty venomous stuff.     My husband and I planned a vacation with them and we went for my birthday.    That trip turned out to be the major turning point in our relationship  (me and the person, not me and my husband)    I felt almost like we were embarrassing them on that trip.  They would  go off a lot on their own (or so we thought) and I took that as we were boring or bothering them.   By the time the trip was over I was looking forward to everything getting back to normal.   Just being around that person was awkward and uncomfortable all the way up until they finally left to go back home.  For one thing,  I kept thinking back to the awful things they were saying about the person who thought they were so close.  Who is to say that exact thing wasn’t being done to me and my husband?  I bet it is.   Finally, once we got back they confided in my husband the real reason why they kept disappearing during our vacation.   It seems that the people we had seen them with the night we ditched them after we heard them call out to us,  turned out they had a stash of weed,  so instead of being honest I guess it was worth making the extra effort to lie to us about it.   Did they think I would judge them? embarrass them?  I’m thinking the latter.   I do admit that towards the end of the trip my husband and I did see them a few times hanging out with some people who I can only assume were ‘those’ people.  One night we e heard our names being called out but we pretended not to hear them.  It had gotten to the point where we felt if we were ruining their trip, embarrassing them and making them look bad,  then why subject said person to further humiliation around these new friends? Don’t get me wrong, the vacation wasn’t ruined at all despite all of this needless drama.   My hubby and I had a wonderful time on our own and made some amazing memories.  The night before our trip was officially ending,  I had my birthday dinner.   My husband and I got dressed up and had a wonderful time.  We were seated next to a mother and daughter who were a lot of fun, AND the staff of the restaurant already knew it was my birthday so they sang and I got a mini dessert with a candle to blow out.  Of course my ‘friend’ was nowhere to be seen but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  After all,  in the end I married my TRUE best friend and that’s the best birthday present I can ever ask for.   Ever since then I haven’t gone out of my way to communicate with them.    They are miles away and even though before I would have said I wished they were closer that is NOT the case any longer.  The further the better.   It really hurts being lied to,  and it hurts even more since it was on my frigging birthday.   The fact they toss around the title ‘best friend’ to just anyone  (for what purpose? ) really cheapened how I once felt for this person.  It really gives you a used and empty feeling when that’s done to you.   For the record, I wouldn’t have cared if they smoked pot from beginning to end of our vacation.   It’s a shame I was looked upon so lowly to be lied to.    Whoever picks a temporary high over friendship isn’t worth my time or effort.   It’s just such a disappointment it had to end like that.

I hope writing this doesn’t make me sound like a snob because that isn’t intended.   It’s just a subject that’s been weighing on my mind for a while.   This is my form of closure I guess, and writing about it helps.

IMG_1257

So there 🙂

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s