My sister

It was recently my sister’s birthday and also is coming up on another year since she has been gone come May and I still can’t believe that she’s gone.  Even today I still get a strong urge to pick up the phone and talk to her.  Talk to her about my day, about her day, about the many tv shows that we would watch together over the phone.     The day she left I lost more than just my sister,  I lost my very very best friend.    We shared a bond that only sisters could share…  she got me and I got her.   Grr,  see even now I go from missing her so much to bring furious that she is gone.   I’m still trying to figure out God’s purpose in taking her so soon.. especially when we had begun to lean on one another so much.

After I got word that she was gone,  I flew home to be with her oldest son and family.  It was him that had actually found her on the floor in her apartment that day and he had the whole responsibility of taking care of his mom’s property, remains and plan her memorial service.    She has two sons but her youngest…. that’s another story for another time.   So I went  there to help clean out her apartment.   I had never been there before.   I mean, we had talked about me coming to visit but I never did.   I regret that because I know we would have had some really fun sister time.   I had always dreamed of spending time with her the way we had always talked about on the phone.   She would always say she wished that Mike and I would move closer because she needed me  to help keep her in line.   She would say that I was the Roseanne and she was the Jackie.   She would emotionally go off the deep end over something and I would help bring her back to reality in a sisterly bedside manner that only the character of Roseanne

would do 🙂

jackie and Roseanne

That was our relationship in a nutshell,  but it always wasn’t that way.   Someday I’ll explain.

In her bedroom on the dresser sat something that my sister’s best friend told me was meant for me for Christmas.  She was with her when she bought it months before.   As soon as I saw it,  I couldn’t pick it up and clutch it to my heart fast enough.  It summed up our relationship perfectly and even though her and I never got to actually say goodbye or have any final words to one another… this is just as good if not better.     It’s forever a sign on how much I meant to her being her sister and her friend and I will treasure it always.     I just need to find a picture of the two of us worthy to go into the frame.

IMG_1717

It was sitting on her dresser untouched as if I were meant to find it.   Did she know she was going to pass away?  Her son said that there were some documents sitting on her table that would not otherwise have been there.   Medical papers.   I have always wondered if people silently do know when their time will come,  maybe not consciously but maybe something deep in the subconscious mind.   So things are prepared without one actually knowing it.    Whether or not it was done intentionally,  it helped console me and let me know that she was always thinking of us even though I was so far away.  It was her final message to me in the form of something I can look upon every day with a smile.
I love you sissy,  and I miss you every day.

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