Something I need to get out

Call it “thought vomit” because it’s been on my mind for so long I’m about to scream if I don’t at least write about it.   Usually the person I would call when I was having these issues is my sister and well…   she’s gone.   I’m hoping that once I can get this all out I can feel even just a little bit better.   SO sick of being frustrated over the same damn thing.

Is it just me or do other people have this problem-  that at some point in their lives that people tend to tune them out more often.   Suggestions, opinions, even just venting to release some steam after a long stressful day fall upon deaf ears.  For instance,  when my significant other is sick I go into ‘how can I get him to feeling better asap’ mode.   I guess I got that from my mother?    It’s not meant to be a nag but rather just trying to help.   Anything suggested whether it be “drink more fluids’  (note:  diet coke is NOT a suitable “fluid”)  to “hey, did you take your medication this morning yet?  you should do that now to keep on schedule”   It’s like I’m shrugged off and my opinions and suggestions don’t matter and it hurts me more than it annoys me.  I feel like I’m wasting my time trying to help someone I care about.    Another example.. the workplace.    Between the busy times when there are lulls it is nice to take a breather and chit chat with fellow co workers.  I like to bring some laughter into where I work since working where i’m at can go from zero to 100000000000000 on the stress scale.  Well, I’ll be halfway into a discussion with someone when someone else will come out of nowhere and just interrupt.   Talk over me and pretend like I’m not even there.    Usually the subject is changed as if what I had to talk about never really mattered anyway. A few times I was apologized to after the fact by the person I was originally talking to.  Having that happen puts them in an awkward spot.     Rather than just try to increase the volume of my voice in an attempt to dominate the conversation that was originally mine, I just turn around and go back to work finding something to do.  I’ve learned it isn’t worth it if it’s that easy to do that to me.  Fuck em,  but I gotta ask though goddamnit… does this happen to other people???

My sister passed away from multiple health problems.  She was diabetic, overweight and had incontinent problems alopecia and im sure a few other things she never wanted to tell me about.   I always tried to help her with her diabetes.   I think I even sent her some information on diabetic meals and healthy cooking,  but her idea of eating was buying 2 foot long subs from Subways and eating a quarter sandwich for every meal.   In fact, when she died she had subway sandwiches in her fridge that had recently been purchased.  I always have wondered if I could have helped her just a little bit more if she’d still be here today.

When it comes to the career I’ve chosen for myself.. I love doing what I do.  I’ve had the opportunity to work at different places and obtain hands on  experiences that most could only get if they went to school (I wish I had gone to college but I was stupid.. end of story)  because of that I have always loved sharing my experiences with others.  I’m hardly a ‘know-it-all’ in any sense but life experiences can be worth their weight in gold.  Maybe I do come off as a know-it-all,  so maybe that’s why I am easy to ignore.  I don’t know, and honestly I don’t have the energy anymore to try to figure it out.

Anyways, just wanted to get that out.  Hopefully I’m not the only one that feels this way

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One thought on “Something I need to get out

  1. People don’t always accept the help they’re given. That’s always going to happen. The best way to get your help to be accepted is to learn that person’s love language and respond that way. Stubbornness will always prevent some of your ability to help, but I’ve learned through the love languages that it’s much less often.

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